The Church of St Pythagoras and All Angles is a member of the Orthogonal Church, worshipping the Holy 3-4-5 Triangle affirming the Tangential union of the Opposite and the Adjacent. It is best known for the theological tome Summa Squarum Hypotenuse and has a special ministry to mathematical musicians.

First, a reminder that this Friday, 19th September, be International Talk like a Pirate day, oh arrr! If thou be not easily offended, follow this here link http://www.sjmpbooks.com/ , scroll down several fathoms past Mark Schweizer’s Liturgical Mysteries to the Hayden Konig Blog, and download to yer iPatch the Pirate Eucharist – it’s all a little bit naughty but very funny. For an alternative to his Penzance Mass Setting, you could try Victoria’s Ave Maris Stella or Mozart’s Hansspatzenmesse (Jack Sparrow Mass).

But what about music for a Pirate Evensong? Rows (sorry) Responses, Psalms 104 & 107 certainly, with Grogorian chants, and Herbert Sumsion’s Anthem “They that go down to the sea in ships”. For the Mag&Nunc, Kelly in C Shanties with their Caribbean influence, and hymns “There’s a wildness in God’s mercy like the wildness of the sea” or “God is working his porpoise out…”. For Benediction, O Salutaris by Elgarrr, and Tantrum Ergo by Brahms or Liszt.

What do you call mountaineering pirates? Pirates of the carabiner.

Last Sunday, Cap’n Tom was resplendent in our bright red chasuble and delivered a reflective Sermon for Holy Cross Day.

St Pythag’s may be more Messe Solennelle than Messy Church, but it’s a welcoming, inclusive and fun place to meet with God and each other.

The Pythagoras Institute for Indisciplinary Studies has recently published, “Choirmen wear Cords”, a study of the winter plumage of the Gentlemen of the Choir – liturgically coloured corduroy trousers appropriate to the church seasons.

For Sundays after Trinity it’s sage green, during Advent and Lent that deep burgundy or heather, and bright red cords for Pentecost; you get the idea ;-)>>

For other Festivals it’s gold, well that mustard colour, blue for Our Lady, black for All Souls’, and for Laetare and Gaudete Sundays we bring out those rose red cords half as old as time.

Could this be the origin of the Sursum Corduroy? Well, as in music, so also with trousers, there is a well-worn cord progression.

One starts wearing slim-fit, needlecord jeans, moves on to flat front 8-wale casuals, and then pleated front and traditional fit. I have recently graduated to the “comfort” waist, you know, with that inch or two of elastic each side.

Eventually, along with the lost glasses and the lost keys, like Sir Arthur Sullivan, you’re searching for … the Lost Cords.

Other projects at St Pythag’s include a book about early German porcelain manufacture entitled “Of Meissen Men”, “A Breve History of Church Music”, and a piece on the American composer Mortem Autem.

We are also compiling an Oxford Movement English Dictionary. Entries include:-

Acolyte – one who holds a candle for their Priest

Altar Ego – a self-important priest

Asperges Syndrome – splashing everyone with Holy Water at the start of Mass

Augustus Pingu – the architect responsible for the Gothic Revival in Igloos

Campanologist – a gay bell-ringer

Exaudi me – Latin phrase meaning, I used to drive a German car

Grey-friendly – welcomes older worshippers

Jubilate – the coffee after the service

Maniple – a vestment malfunction or a cry during chest-waxing

Polyphonic – music where the voices come in one after another, Parrot fashion

Some-sex Marriage – owing to poor proofreading the House of Bihsops has forbidden this

St Eward’s Hip – a miraculous relic that would solve the church’s financial problems (Any donations via the “mydonate” link on the “Giving” page to keep St Pythag’s afloat would be most gratefully received!)

Tantrum ergo – a hymn written by St Thomas Aquinas as a toddler

Compiled by Senrab Drahcir.

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